Thursday, March 24, 2011
There are so many things in my life that you could say make me a bad person, the things I believe, the past, my independence, but all I can say is this is who I am. i have tried so many times to change myself just to make someone happy with me. Today I put my foot down, I have screwed up so many times and have been pushed down so many times in rain and desert but to day I stand in freedom I stand in being a mess but knowing I'm working on things. as selfish as this sounds but I'm doing for me. Not because I want to so independent, but if I can't be satisfied with who I am or what I want to be then how am I supposed to please someone else. I want to make my family proud in life and my God proud of me.
My rant, sorry, was more meant for me probably. ha These past months or years or even my lifetime I have have been searching for who I am through how people viewed me and pleasing others. In turn it slowly spun my identity downward not only in unsuitability but also into confusion of who I was and what I wanted in life. I don't know really where I'm going with this other than when I met someone that I thought cared I clung to them and the way they lived their life. Don't judge, you know we all deep inside of us want to be accepted, whether in friends, family etc... we all want it. I'm not going to lie, I still desperately want to be loved and accepted but I don't want to change myself, my identity, or beliefs just to be accepted.
I am who I am...whoever that may be :-)
I think it's time this image was explain. When I took this and saw the picture, the only think I could think of was brokeness..... when you look all you see is the back of someone sitting alone...alone, thinking..in the midst of silence....surrendering their thoughts in silence..waiting for that still small voice. I dunno that was my thought.
Well I hope I didn't confuse anyone too much...some confusion can be a good thing. Be encouraged and blessed.