Enjoying life through adventures, and capturing the passion through a lens.

Thursday, March 24, 2011


There are so many things in my life that you could say make me a bad person, the things I believe, the past, my independence, but all I can say is this is who I am. i have tried so many times to change myself just to make someone happy with me. Today I put my foot down, I have screwed up so many times and have been pushed down so many times in rain and desert but to day I stand in freedom I stand in being a mess but knowing I'm working on things. as selfish as this sounds but I'm doing for me. Not because I want to so independent, but if I can't be satisfied with who I am or what I want to be then how am I supposed to please someone else. I want to make my family proud in life and my God proud of me.

My rant, sorry, was more meant for me probably. ha These past months or years or even my lifetime I have have been searching for who I am through how people viewed me and pleasing others. In turn it slowly spun my identity downward not only in unsuitability but also into confusion of who I was and what I wanted in life. I don't know really where I'm going with this other than when I met someone that I thought cared I clung to them and the way they lived their life. Don't judge, you know we all deep inside of us want to be accepted, whether in friends, family etc... we all want it. I'm not going to lie, I still desperately want to be loved and accepted but I don't want to change myself, my identity, or beliefs just to be accepted.

I am who I am...whoever that may be :-)

I think it's time this image was explain. When I took this and saw the picture, the only think I could think of was brokeness..... when you look all you see is the back of someone sitting alone...alone, thinking..in the midst of silence....surrendering their thoughts in silence..waiting for that still small voice. I dunno that was my thought.

Well I hope I didn't confuse anyone too much...some confusion can be a good thing. Be encouraged and blessed.


Zee said...

I love you for you, and not for any other reason. You are my child, and a child of the King. He smiles over you and He is a good dad. He has gifted you with good gifts. If you look inside and to Him you will find them. Again, You Are Loved and Adored! Thank you for sharing your heart and your post!

Evan said...

this is a big first step towards something even bigger.

Grace McHugh said...

You are just brave enough to voice what I have thought at times. Did you ever hear the song by Petra Don't wanna be a man pleaser.....wanna be a God pleaser." Great song. God does not require us to clean up our lives to come to Him. He likes to do the clean up work. I typically make a mess of things before I get on my knees. God just sits patiently........smiling at my attempts. You are lovely because I think you are. That is my opinion. And we have never spent very much time together. You are who you are and I liked you immediately. So you have never exposed your inner self to me. So? We all have that bleh stuff in us and usually choose to stuff it down inside. Once out, it is a beautiful thing. We live for an Audience of One! The great I AM..........who created you just as you are.........loveliness and laughter. Be real for Him. Love you.

Grace McHugh said...
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