Tuesday, March 29, 2011
It's been a week and usually when I get on this thing, I get inspiration. Tonight, I'm completely drawing a blank..... All I can amount it to is the extreme exhaustion I am in, I don't think my body has felt true peace since, who knows. I find this week has been truly tough because not only have I been tired, the kids have been sick, managed to get me sick, and been wrestling with some deep things that I honestly didn't know how deep they were really in there.
About 2 nights ago I watched Eat.Pray.Love and it was such an inspiration to me. It was inspiration because she realized something wasn't right in her life and she decided to take action and deal with her issues and restore herself. I'm not saying we all need to get away from our families but just sitting in the silence can make an impact inwardly. It is so scary to sit in the quiet cause the only thing that is your companion at that very moment are your thoughts, your ideas, your past. To bring up the past, your struggles, your real heart and to truly make the stand to deal with everything..wow...just wow. I have a true issue with dealing with my own situations, give someone in need and I'm there, but I run as fast I can if they are mine.
I think my body is finally tired of the build up, so I'm going to try something this week. I'm going to sit down in complete silence and answer my issues right in the face. I most likely will push some down, but even I just conquered one that would make a HUGE difference, right?
Well, I guess I found out what needed to be written, I hope this finds you well and you join me in this battle. After all, we are ALL warriors. ;)
This weeks pictures are of the same thing, but they were all different (kinda). I think it's actually fitting for this blog. I find this to be a picture of revitalization. I hope you get what I mean.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
There are so many things in my life that you could say make me a bad person, the things I believe, the past, my independence, but all I can say is this is who I am. i have tried so many times to change myself just to make someone happy with me. Today I put my foot down, I have screwed up so many times and have been pushed down so many times in rain and desert but to day I stand in freedom I stand in being a mess but knowing I'm working on things. as selfish as this sounds but I'm doing for me. Not because I want to so independent, but if I can't be satisfied with who I am or what I want to be then how am I supposed to please someone else. I want to make my family proud in life and my God proud of me.
My rant, sorry, was more meant for me probably. ha These past months or years or even my lifetime I have have been searching for who I am through how people viewed me and pleasing others. In turn it slowly spun my identity downward not only in unsuitability but also into confusion of who I was and what I wanted in life. I don't know really where I'm going with this other than when I met someone that I thought cared I clung to them and the way they lived their life. Don't judge, you know we all deep inside of us want to be accepted, whether in friends, family etc... we all want it. I'm not going to lie, I still desperately want to be loved and accepted but I don't want to change myself, my identity, or beliefs just to be accepted.
I am who I am...whoever that may be :-)
I think it's time this image was explain. When I took this and saw the picture, the only think I could think of was brokeness..... when you look all you see is the back of someone sitting alone...alone, thinking..in the midst of silence....surrendering their thoughts in silence..waiting for that still small voice. I dunno that was my thought.
Well I hope I didn't confuse anyone too much...some confusion can be a good thing. Be encouraged and blessed.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Ok, so I thnk this post is mainly going to be about this one specific picture, cause when i say this I was so depressed at how the world sees not my generation but the young generations to follow. I was driving by and saw this kiosk and almost got into a car accident. The thing that bugged me the most is not that they thought this but that they were basically breathing those words on the world. Why would you want to point fingers instead try to get involved and help "mold" or encourage the generations to come to make a difference. It will not get done unless you get off your ass and make a change yourself. We need to stand up and prove people wrong, to show that we are life and world changers, that we are made for than what people write us off as. My heart aches for my generation because so many people put us down and we back down because of it. I know we are made for more, but do you? Do you believe you are worth more than what people say? The minute I saw that sign one phrase came to mind, so I will put it on my kiosk cause I want to breathe it on us. "A GENERATION OF HOPE"
I hope this finds you well and I hope you are encouraged to move towards more than the mundane.
Also, I cropped the picture cause I don't find it necessary to show who actually wrote it. And the other picture, I just like.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Today, I really wish I had brought my camera with me. It was such a beautiful day, one of the warmest days, since last year. My sister and I decided to take the kids on an adventure on the path behind her house. It was so strange to see how it was so warm and yet the fields all around us were so desolate and yellow. Then out of nowhere, you see this flash of pink, plaid, and deep blue run by and the contrasts were so fun to see; my niece in her fun colors, running down the path with her brothers. It's so much fun to see a child's joy, instead of being sad that there was no grass to play on, they found another way to entertain themselves. It's funny how many times we look around us and we frown because the path we are on isn't exactly what we hope for. Why can't we be like the kids today and find a way to make our path intriguing?, I thinking that's the word I'm thinking about right now? Why do so many times we focus on the desolate now instead of pushing forward towards adventure? I dunno maybe I'm ranting about nothing, or maybe I'm the only one who feels this way sometime.
I wish I could be more patient and be so grateful for what I have, I know this is one thing I have to work on. We have so much for us and if not we have at least one thing that is good, all we need to do is search for it. Instead of looking at the colorless, prickly path, enjoy the weather, enjoy the place you are and try to make a discovery of it.
I'm so blessed that I had this moment to learn from my family, even if it wasn't the intention of theirs, I'm still blessed.
So this post's picture is of the irony of weather in this blog. About 2 days ago, it snowed and I just couldn't resist getting a "silent" picture.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
I completely thought that it had been at least 2 weeks, but I just looked at a calendar and it's only been a week. Well Now we are in Colorado and so much has happened since the boy and I have been here. It's been great to see so many friends/family and be able to feel at home. I didn't realize how much I have missed Colorado (including the crazy drivers).
So far since we have been here, we have been exploring around Co. Springs, went to downtown Denver a extraordinary birthday bash, shaved the boys heads for curiosity (hehe), and have been trying to be of help since Stephen's surgery.
I honestly thought coming back to Colorado was going to be atrocious, with so many memories I have here, most of them are bad. Mainly my bad choices, but it has been healing to come back to the foundation and be restored. Not just just me but friendships, as well. Well, that's the thought so far. It's been emotionally trying, but I don't regret coming here and I do believe the things in past can only make us stronger when we learn from our mistakes. LOL I am listening to a song right now and it just said "We all have a story of adolescence and glory." I say, perfect timing. I will have to put this song on the player so we can all giggle.
Well I've completely lost my train of thought so I take it that it;s time to Khalas (finish).
It would only let me upload these 5, so this the day after we got here. :)