Where am I??

For the past couple of days I have been feeling stuck - no quarantine hasn't much to do with it besides the fact I would so love to jump on a plan and hike some epic mountains in Iceland. If you've seen pictures of Iceland, you understand why I want to go there specifically. Maybe quarantine has made me face my constant thoughts but I have always felt that I have been stuck or have made extremely poor choices which has led me into the should have, could have, would have. And before anyone tells me that is the worst though process, I am aware of this and it is my brain not yours. Hah. Also to point out I would never ever trade out my children for another life, some days I may contemplate this but, as a mom, who hasn't.
I have never been able to slow down and because of this, my life has not been as impactful as I would have liked it to be. I saw so much potential of being this fierce world traveler that helped everyone and anyone for the greater good and I see my life now and it is not where I would liked to be. Don't get me wrong, my life is very nice but I have always been so focused on where I want to be and where I should be to where I have completely lost the beauty of slowing down and embracing the now. Why can't I can't be happy with the now, why am I always so dissatisfied?
I think today, I will start embracing the now. Will this be easy? Of course not, but I don't want to be 60 and look back wishing I did better and I was too busy to sit, appreciate and learn what I can do to be the 'better me'. This will be the hardest thing to do because I just want to get up and run and do and because I have the hardest time constantly sitting down and making choices I have lost so much of the life I could have because I was so terrified of failing. It's funny to think how if you don't make decisions in your life, they are made for you. You think you are making the choices when you are completely not in control. And because of this most of our life choices become boring and mundane. I don't want to be that anymore, I want to feel and experience everything the world has to offer me even if I fail and to start moving, I need to make choices so I can start impacting this earth we all live in.
I really honestly don't expect anyone to read this or to even understand where I'm coming from but I think it feels to get these thoughts on paper or blog. I missed blogging surprisingly.
If anyone reads this, I apologize for all my grammar mishaps and how I rant, but I hope this finds you well.