“Though she be but little, she is fierce!” - William Shakespeare
This year has been wide awakening my not only for my eyes but also for my spirit.... As I look back I can honestly say I have been shaken to my very core and even though I didn't want it, I needed it. And at this very moment I am going to be the most vulnerable I have been in a while and whoever takes offense to this, my apologizes but it happens.
I don't know how to start this at all except that with this time last year I was dealing with how to communicate with an ex husband, I was dealing with the fact that the only blood family I had here were my two sons who were trying to understand why mommy lives here and daddy lives there, and a boyfriend who had cheated on me.....which proceeded to take me into the new year I was having difficulties keeping my spirits high at work and was affecting my performance, which I spiraled downward to find myself if it was in a person or in a beer I just had lost my being. I proceeded to go to school as a CNA and almost got kicked out 2x because of a case of food poisoning and the other time was pink eye (my teacher and I were not the best of friends). And in the finally lecture phase and onto my clinicals I had a miscarriage that I kept quiet about because it was out of wedlock and I know it is very frowned upon and right before my test for school I had to go to the hospital for bleeding out and once again I was there in the hospital alone. I scurried to Florida about a month later to see my grandmother who had surgery for a tumor and we found out she has stage 4 cancer and we didn't know how long she had left. I had a sit convo with my mom about everything that had happened that year and my laundry was presented to her. When I got home home I found out we were getting evicted because we couldn't pay rent and we had 2 weeks..woohoo was left homeless on part for bad saving and have been couch surfing....during this time I have sprained my wrist and off work for 2 weeks. Also my childhood friend died...Zina was the most precious thing in the world. This day has reminded that vicious cycles spiral because now I am dealing with another breakup that was because well you guessed it....and on my way home from picking up my stuff, zion proceeds to cut his finger in the car...I pick him p to clean it and he throws up all down my back, in my boot, and on the car.....and all I can do it just laugh....
Well at the time I wasn't laughing but as I'm writing this tears are coming down my eyes remembering this year and laughing because at the end of the day and this stupid ass year......ive needed to go through it to prove I AM ALIVE, I GRADUATED AS A CNA, MY GRANDMA IS STILL ALIVE, MY SISTER IS PREGNANT, I HAVE A NEW JOB(coming soon).
No matter what is thrown in my way or in my face I can look it down in the face back and say, "ok, what else do you have?" Yes my choices are my own and I handle things the way I did and do but I learn I move forward.
So after my whatever this was here is my pic simple but states a lot to me..just took time to see it.
When you are in the dark there will always be that light and it will stay on until the sun comes up...no matter how dark it is God will still be your light to let you know he sees you, he cares about you, and he acknowledges your existence.. he created you for a reason and he wont ever let you out of his sight.
Fight for your right to be marvelous, because no one else will - me
Hope this finds you well,
Devin - the warrior