To feel, to be moved, to be inspired, to be raw and to express, these are my desires. To get out of ruts and feeling stuck and to push past the walls, I feel, that are holding my me. I want to go deeper and to be able to unleash creativity.
Sorry that was on my mind and I felt the need to get it out of my system. It seems that during the past few months I have been stuck in this up and down rut and focused on moving forward rather enjoying what I have in front of me. I noticed that when I worry about the future, my present diminishes and I don't take full advantage of what is in front of me (even if it means enjoy sitting with my boys and nothing more than playing with them). When did life get so complacent and why are we so focused on what we want to be rather than enjoy the little things. A couple of nights ago, I let Zion stay up with me til about 11 and I can say it was so much fun seeing him at work and spending time with him. He is becoming a very intricate human, no I promise he was human beforehand, he's just becoming more aware of his surroundings lately and I love it. I decided to be an artist person that night and played with painting with acrylics for the first time. Ha, yeah I failed but it was fun to play with music and painting and just going with it. So I pop in headphones and just start painting and Zion is intently watching me. His eyes were glowing with excitement. He leaves the room and brings out his paper and paints, and sit on the floor and starts drawing with them. The best part is he gets up off the floor and steals my mp3 player so he can be "inspired". Cheeky monkey!
I am learning more and more to enjoy the time I have with them, but some days I do feel likes the days are passing me by. Honestly though, how am I going to enjoy the future if I don't experience my present and savor the past. Thank you boys for inspiration..all 3 of you ;)
I hope this finds you well :)