Limits and worth??

Heya,

This week seems to be making the same point in my life, it's quite humorous, actually. This past week my life has been feeling that the time is passing by and almost like a ticking time bomb has started. Don't really what it means, I just know I am more compelled to be apart of something huge and find what I was meant to do. Doesn't mean I found it now, but something had been driving me, almost like this hole in me was showing me that it needs to be filled and it needs to be filled now. Well, still hasn't been filled but I can finally see the paths to choose from, instead of being in this stand still in the desert.   A while back I used to feel important and that I had worth, even if the worth wasn't from people I still felt semi-secure. That has slowly faded in time and I started feeling like I was just another person that I wasn't special or even that I had something to give to society or even to God that I just was.  So this week I was desiring that passion again that drive to do something effective in life but I couldn't shake this feeling that something was missing or that I couldn't do anything important just cause I don't something to give..it's a dreadful feeling, I tell ya.  Today, though, I was challenged. The best part was it was by the sermon at church, ha!  Ok, honestly I haven't felt pushed or challenged by much things and this seemed to engage my soul.  So the sermon was about how we need to be the "status quo" and that God has given each one of something special and we need to use it to our full ability, that we all have a purpose and we need to push our limits and exceed.  I had someone pray with me today cause I have been feeling like I lost myself, who I am, my purpose, my passions and she started praying and the one thing she kept saying that truly stuck with me is our identity isn't in the things we do or have, it's in God who created us.  It made sense, we can put stalk in the things we do, in our families, in anything but it still doesn't give us our identities...  I don't really know, this is all stirring madly in my head I just know deep down that we are more than what we "do".   

I hope you find your worth and that you can exceed any limit that is in front of you.

Trust??

To all you mum's out there (yes I decided to go British), Happy Mother's Day!

You know I never truly appreciated moms until I became one, honestly, I should be ashamed. There is so much time, effort, emotion, and passion in being a mom. Getting up, and giving your all to someone who may no even be grateful or acknowledge that you are being "selfless" to cultivate another human being.
Not only is tiring but it's nerve wrecking. To realize that this little thing, that is place in your care, is your responsibility and they trust you are going to keep them safe. Wow! It just makes me think how much faith we really do have just in one person, the one who cares for us. No, not all of us have had great childhoods, or for that matter parents, but we all have at least on person we do love and trust because they have been there for us. I do say that I am very grateful for mine. She has not only been a great cultivator but a wonderful person to aspire from.
she has pushed me when needed and she has also told me that the person to be is myself and she loves me because of that.
Thank you Mum (mwahaha) for being you. A warrior.
I'd also like to recognize another wonderful mum, I know, my sister. She is not only an overachiever :P but she a stupendous mum of 6..that's right 6 awesome kids. She is up early, caring for her tribe with love, homemade everything, and knowledge. I always thought that a Proverbs 31 woman was an impossible feat, but I was proven wrong when I saw my sister in action. Seriously, she's a bad ass!

I am blessed to have grown up with these women and am encouraged to grow older with them as well. They have seen me in my best and worst and yet they still love me...guess I should keep them around.
So may your day be filled with comfort and may we learn to appreciate the people that love us the most, even if it's not our mums. Because they care enough to stick around. :)

cookie cutter mold??

Do you ever feel like you lose yourself? Wondering why you are on this earth or who you really are and what you really like instead of following the same thing the crowd is? I find myself in this situation so many times, changing who I am so I can "fit in." But I guess the real question is why do we try to fit in, when clearly, we are no designed to be exactly alike?

I guess last night, I was sitting for a bit and really pondering why so many times we need to badly to fit in, why do we need to be accepted so much that most times we change ourselves. Why is it so hard for us to just to be accepting of who we are and who other are, why is different so "scary"? This really doesn't feel like it's flowing tonight, I guess I can blame myself for not keeping up on this. It seems this week isn't really an epiphany but more of soul searching. I would love to be who God made me to be and what he has called me to be, but so many times I feel like I am stuck on that paved road instead of exploring the areas surrounding and seeing what God really has in store for us. We want purpose but are so comfortable in the place we are that we lose the potential we have by not even trying. I'm tired of being comfortable and ready to jump into the unknown...I guess the question is..where do you go?

I hope this finds you well and I hope it's legible.

so many photos because I was awesome and got comfortable ;).

Step back, Take a breath, Dive in?

Hey, I think it's been about 2 weeks, sorry about that. Things were so busy and I kind of forgot that my computer existed including my camera :P. Ev came over for about 10 days and I can honestly say I was so blessed. I have learned to appreciate the days where I can just lay in bed and not have to get up and do anything or even take a shower in the daytime instead of at night after the boys are sleeping. It was really hard though going from "single mom" to not having to do anything and I found myself losing self control and becoming a brat rather than grateful. Ack! I'm losing my train of thought and inspiration on this piece. It's so easy to lose yourself in things that overwhelm you instead of taking a step back, breathing, and diving in. I really need to work on this because I find myself almost willing to dive into anything and deal with consequences later...Most times, it leads to bridges being blown to smithereens and relationships are lost along the way.

Step back, Take a breath, Dive in.......

I never want to be selfish, disrespectful, and ungrateful in anything. I know that it is inevitable and there will sometimes in life where it will happen. After all, we are ALL humans..I don't care what you say, YOU ARE HUMAN and WE ALL WILL SCREW UP. I'm going to lose my patience, I'm going to be ungrateful, and I most likely one day will kill my children (just kidding) I love them way too much and no matter what happens in the day I am so blessed to have them in my life. (as Zion is climbing all over me while I am writing this)

Step Back, Take a breath, Dive in.....

I think this will be my challenge this week and who knows maybe try to push through with it in the rest of my life (there are no guarantees) :) I want to live life, knowing I at least tried to make a difference in my attitude and views of life. I hope this wasn't insanely chaotic, and I hope this finds you well. This week, I guess I will have to post picture some other time cause blogger won't let me right now..phooey!

Silence?

Heya,

It's been a week and usually when I get on this thing, I get inspiration. Tonight, I'm completely drawing a blank..... All I can amount it to is the extreme exhaustion I am in, I don't think my body has felt true peace since, who knows. I find this week has been truly tough because not only have I been tired, the kids have been sick, managed to get me sick, and been wrestling with some deep things that I honestly didn't know how deep they were really in there.
About 2 nights ago I watched Eat.Pray.Love and it was such an inspiration to me. It was inspiration because she realized something wasn't right in her life and she decided to take action and deal with her issues and restore herself. I'm not saying we all need to get away from our families but just sitting in the silence can make an impact inwardly. It is so scary to sit in the quiet cause the only thing that is your companion at that very moment are your thoughts, your ideas, your past. To bring up the past, your struggles, your real heart and to truly make the stand to deal with everything..wow...just wow. I have a true issue with dealing with my own situations, give someone in need and I'm there, but I run as fast I can if they are mine.
I think my body is finally tired of the build up, so I'm going to try something this week. I'm going to sit down in complete silence and answer my issues right in the face. I most likely will push some down, but even I just conquered one that would make a HUGE difference, right?

Well, I guess I found out what needed to be written, I hope this finds you well and you join me in this battle. After all, we are ALL warriors. ;)

This weeks pictures are of the same thing, but they were all different (kinda). I think it's actually fitting for this blog. I find this to be a picture of revitalization. I hope you get what I mean.